So.... I read/skimmed back in all these entries since I created this thing. I was.... speechless pretty much. My life is SO different from what it was. My life was pure INSANITY. Now, it's 97% of the time serene.. and the 3% of the time that it's not, is spread out into small moments of temporary loss of acceptance of reality and/or lack of faith. I've changed dramatically. I've grown, I've discovered myself, I've gained insight and wisdom, really beyond belief, after reading all that stuff. I'm just amazed. I have not ingested any drug to get high or any alcohol for over 6 months in a row. Including weekends, holidays, (my 21st birthday!!) and even when nobody was looking. I'm gaining clarity in my thoughts, my emotions... everything. I've got a job... which means money.. and I do not spend it impulsively and compulsively. I take very good care of myself. I love myself and feel comfortable around anyone and often have conversations with strangers. I'm at the very least, able to be content in most all situations, and no matter what, I'm able to appreciate all situations, all circumstances... and at some point, realize what's been gained from them. Man... I'm joyful and laughing a lot of the time.. I ENJOY life. I WANT life. I rarely get angry. I have relationships, man. With my MOM and DAD.... I have conversations with my mom for more than 2 minutes. Sometimes even 2 hours. My parents TRUST me... especially when they left me the house for 5-ish days.. yeah. I am experiencing a relationship with a man that involves feelings that cannot be explained or expressed in any way. I am at peace with myself and the world. I have a life. A life that I want to live and continue enjoying. I don't WANT to die.... it will happen. I'm not afraid to die either. (that was the predicament.... scared to live, scared to die)... I am doing in my mind what is right at that moment. It is such a weird feeling to read these writings from what, 2004-2006/7? I don't remember. But then again, it's good for me to see what my reality was, although it was a distorted reality... and know now what my reality TRULY is. Life is... really, although very cliche, what you make it. (better than what you MAKE it.. um, how you perceive it) To go back to the chaos, constant pain and suffering (for myself and the people around me who CARE about me), selfishness, self-centeredness, lying, just insanity... would be my death. I am eternally grateful for the unfolding of events that have occurred in my life right up until this very second... Experiencing one thing, makes experiencing the opposite so much more powerful and meaningful. | 
